Do I Need a Therapist or Psychologist?

How Can I Tell If I Need Therapy?

We’ve all been out to dinner with friends having a blast when someone drops an “I need a therapist” joke. Let’s be honest, it usually gets a good laugh with friends. Full disclosure, I am not the comedy police here and appreciate quality humor.

But after all the jokes, you may start to wonder if you do need to talk to someone.

Picking from a menu is hard, let alone deciding to go to therapy. Chances are, this isn’t the first time you’re researching symptoms of needing a counselor on google. Expenses, time commitments, minimization of your situation, and fears of vulnerability may hold you hostage. 

You are not alone. 

Wondering about therapy and deciding on it is a deeply personal decision. Check out some of the questions and considerations below. These are similar to what would be considered an “appropriate referral” if you popped into my office. 

Although I am a licensed Master’s level social worker, this post and all other posts are not meant to be utilized as professional services. You are unique and although posts are helpful for guidance and suggestions, they are not intended as a substitution for traditional services. If you need a professional, do find one!

Five Questions to Ask Yourself If You Are Considering Therapy

As mental health professionals, we should be working ourselves out of a job. Meaning, our whole goal is to provide you with knowledge, skills, and interventions so that you do not need a counselor anymore. Then, we can help the next person. Trust me there a lot of people who are in the same place you are!

I say this because people may be nervous that there’s a specific time commitment. It is all individualized based on what you need! You and the counselor will set up a timeframe. You can go for a few sessions to tackle one specific issue or decide to find someone to help you weekly as “someone to just vent to.” 

There is someone out there who can meet what you are envisioning. This article is mostly for those who know they don’t want to be in therapy for the rest of their life!

What is the Problem?

This question usually has two extremes. One reaction is “Duh, I have asked myself this one hundred years ago and analyzed it from a thousand perspectives. The other reaction is “The Problem?! How about the billion problems that is my life. Obviously, you can also rest somewhere between this spectrum. 

Whatever the category you rest in, it’s a reasonable reaction to life! You aren’t “crazy”.

When you call a counselor, they’re going to ask you what it is you’re calling for, like any other professional! So, to get clarity for yourself. The problem can be specific or vague, don’t get too hung up on those. Your counselor will help you share and understand the underlying problems during therapy. 

I recommend taking 10-30 minutes to write one to five issues you want to address prior to calling. If the problem is too hard to identify, the next question can help get the ball rolling. 

How has it Affected My Life?

Understanding how significantly the problem affects your life is a must when considering therapy. Think about it, if the issue is a minor inconvenience or only affects you a few days a year.  Why invest in counseling for a minimal issue? But also, you do you.

Have you ever heard the saying, “It’s not a problem until it’s a problem?” As a mental health professional, I say it pretty often. Basically, if a behavior or situation is not disrupting a part of your life, then it’s an occurrence and not a problem. For example, I can have a drink on a weeknight, but it only becomes a “problem” once it begins to affect my work, relationships, sleep, health, or any other faucet of life.

But given that you’re exploring this post, I can safely assume it’s disrupting your life more regularly. 

If you have your list of problems, go ahead and write the way in which the problems show up in your life and how it is taking away from the quality of life quality. If you were stumped on the problem identification, use this explanation to identify those areas in your life that take away instead of adding quality. 

What Have I Done to Improve it Myself?

Wondering if there are alternatives for improving the problem? A lot of people try to address problems themselves in creative ways prior to seeking help. Ask yourself, is there anything I could try to improve the situation, and if safe, try it out! Just because you aren’t a professional, doesn’t mean you don’t have intuition and creativity.

If you have already attempted to improve the problem yourself to no resolve, it’s likely you may need professional help!

What Do I Want to Gain?

You are doing great so far! Now that you’ve identified the problem, explored how much it’s really affecting your life, and recognized you’ve exhausted all the tools in your toolbox, let’s work together to explore how you hope a therapist could support you!

Here are some questions you can answer on the same document to really hone in on your therapy decisions. 

How would I know if the therapy worked for me by the end? What would be different in my day-to-day life? What do I want to gain? 

With each of the problems, you can even get more specific! For each one make an “I want to be able to” statement. For example, if the problem is anger. You’ve identified how it affects your life “I keep getting mad at my boyfriend for dumb stuff and then I feel bad after. I can’t even be out with all our friends anymore because of my mood.” You would write something like this: I want to be able to go out with friends again. / I want to be able to talk to my boyfriend calmly. / I want to be able to cope with strong emotions. 

This may increase your motivation even because you can actually visualize how it will improve your life!

Why Am I Hesitating to Go?

As humans, our brains are designed to keep us safe! It’s constantly looking for threats, whether real or perceived. Modern-day threats look less like physical danger and more often is social or emotional danger. Hence the outbreak of “social anxiety”.

Knowing this, we can understand that the story we tell ourselves is often incorrect. We “over-analyze” and look at all the reasons something can go wrong and rarely explore what could go right (because the good stuff isn’t a threat to our safety).

In the last question, we worked through the good stuff! Now we need to explore the story we tell ourselves and the “what ifs”. 

Continue working with what we’ve done so far. I want you to answer these questions to understand your hesitation for therapy in depth. 

What is the story I am telling myself? What is the objective truth? What would a friend say in response to the story?

What are the risks involved? Will the problem likely continue or worsen if not addressed, if so how? What are the “what ifs”?

All of the nerves and fears involved in taking a big step like this are NORMAL! Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise! I encourage you to take a look at the risks and the benefits and really compare them! You are worth it!

Example

• Problem: Anxiety

• Affects: I feel really uncomfortable anytime I talk to someone, even if I know them. I keep flaking on people because I think I will be able to hang out and then I cancel on them. Then, the next time I think about seeing them I worry about them being mad and the cycle happens all over again.

• Attempts to Fix: I’ve tried to just push through it but it’s miserable whether I go or not. I get anxious because I miss out and then I get anxious that I am going to do the wrong thing or say the wrong thing or wear the wrong thing. I have also tried drinking some before I go but I don’t want to get into that habit. I’ve tried zoom calls and tried going with someone I feel really comfortable with. Nothing really helped much.

• Gains: If I saw someone, I would want to be able to be with friends and family again. I could actually get a job where I am social like being a barista or something else that’s cool. I would feel sane again and want to be comfortable in my skin and not worry about having a panic attack or embarrassing myself.

• Risks: The story I am telling myself is that there are “bigger problems” out there and mine don’t matter that much. But if I look at what the truth is and what a friend would say is that I am worth it. They would also tell me that it doesn’t matter how big or small the problem is, that I deserve to feel better. I could also just call a counselor and see if that’s something people see for. That way I know if my worry is real or imagined.

Thanks for reading! If you found this post helpful, please share it! You never know who may need it most right now!